Wish Letter

Dear Cruel Parent -

No matter how dark a picture your child paints of me, or my teaching, or my attitude, you have no right to talk to me like an animal. I am a professional educator. I have worked six years for the degree that hangs above my desk - a degree that allows me to teach specific information to your child in a structured and applicable manner.

I do not hate your child, nor do I purposely look for ways to fail, humiliate, or judge any student. Frankly, I have much more fulfilling things to do with my time, like watching four solid hours of C-SPAN or cross-referencing my spice rack. Let's be honest...your child is using this "hatred" as an excuse for the missed assignments, poor test grades, and an overall slacker attitude that has developed with the onset of puberty. In other words, your child is creating distractions so that the real problem - whatever that may be - is less obvious.

Whatever the case, I do not appreciate the way you attacked me today. While I stood there and took the brunt of your frustration, I was secretly thinking about how much I just wanted to go home and hide underneath the covers. I am not ashamed to admit that you made me doubt my ability to teach, even though it's something I love. My day as a teacher was ruined, and I couldn't focus on my students' needs because of the nausea and headache that developed in response to our meeting.

How could you really think that I dislike your child? How could you honestly think that? As a first-year teacher, I expect a lot of lessons. And even more, I look forward to confronting the difficulties of this profession, because they will make me a stronger person and a better teacher. But I certainly didn't expect my faith, my morals, and my intelligence to be attacked in one fatal blow. Please know that I will continue teaching, because I love it. I also tend to think that the students are enjoying this teacher. I am pretty good for a rookie, and I plan to only get better. So if you or your child have concerns about me, I suggest you take it up with the administration, because I'm not changing a darn thing.


Sincerely,
Your Child's Teacher

Letter of Intent

Do I plan to teach next year?

Well, if I am like 1/2 of the new teachers in America, probably not. Yep...in the first five years of teaching, nearly 50% of teachers quit. Not a great thought.

Last year, as I was about to graduate from my school's teaching program, I assumed this statistic was either 1-inflated to spark national debate; or 2-proof of the sagging work ethic in America. Despite my best efforts, I managed to overlook the actual reasons for teacher dropout, which I'll share with you now...

1. $$$$$
Yes, that's right. We all need to face up to the fact that money is an important factor in our daily lives. It controls the kind of car we drive, the house payments we can afford to make, and even the brand of toilet paper we buy. And without a consistent paycheck, these small decisions become overwhelming obstacles. Take, for example, the fact that I am a single girl living in a modest apartment. I don't eat out, I drive an older model car, and my wardrobe is embarrasingly basic. And yet, on my salary, I am unable to scrounge up enough money to buy name-brand laundry detergent.
Let's make some comparisons. In my state, a teacher starts out at around $29,000 a year. The manager of a retail store averages $37,000 a year. A registered nurse earns $43,000. A private accountant starts at $44,000. Now, while none of these salaries are going to push us into the next tax bracket, it is clear that the teaching profession ranks quite low on the pay scale.

2. Parents
I love each and every student that walks into my classroom. I truly mean that with all my heart, and I hope that shows in my words and actions. For some reason that is totally lost on me, many parents feel that teachers "have it out" for their children. As a result, tension builds between school and home, buildng with each low grade and late piece of homework. In the perfect world, everyone would agree on the importance of rigorous education, but unfortunately new teachers find themselves faced with more parent issues than paperwork.

3. Administration
Did you know that a teacher has to complete just as many monthly reports, memos, supply request forms, and purchase orders as any secretary or office worker? Teachers are also responsible for curriculum guides, lesson plans, professional development forms, behavior modification worksheets, and gradebooks. And, oh yeah...we grade homework too.

4. Loneliness
I haven't talked to any one outside the walls of my school for about two months. With all of the above stress, there is no real energy left in the day for me to spend on outside activities. I think I would like to learn dancing, or exercising at the park, or dating. But unfortunately, school work has to take priority.

So that's just my two cents (better known as a half of my paycheck).

Have you ever woken up to the thought, "I don't feel good about myself..."?

I did. Just about an hour ago, actually. This voice, clearly resembling my own, kept repeating those 6 words again....and again...and again.

Just to be clear, this isn't some sort of existential battle between myself and the world. I think it is a battle between who I wanted to be at this age and the face I see in the mirror every morning. In other words, I am both the only ally I have and the worst enemy I could ever face. Isn't this true of most people, though? Don't we all have the same feelings of regretful disappointment when we realize just how far from our dreams we really are?

The worst part is that I don't know what to do about it. I don't feel good about my job - it doesn't fit me, and yet I am told each day that I am "meant" to be there. It is a Christian school, and I feel like each time I doubt my position or my efforts, I doubt God's purpose in my life. But doesn't God work in public schools? In non-Christian private schools? In colleges? Isn't He everywhere? God is just as present in a position that meants my content area and monetary needs as He is in a school that pays $7,000 less than the state requires (a little-known loophole allowed to privately funded organizations such as Christian schools).

I don't feel good about my friendships, or very obvious lack there of. This isn't too painful until I am drawn to an activity often listed under "hobbies/interests" in surveys, profiles, or facebooks: watching movies with friends, talking to friends on the phone, having coffee with friends, hanging out with friends, seeing plays and other artistic performances with friends, etc. You see how such experiences might not be as successful sans friends. And the funny thing is, I feel like I have something to offer people. I am somewhat interesting, and I can talk at length on topics such as artwork, religion, literature, regional interests, and television preferences. I know the difference between the painters Monet and Manet, between the authors Upton Sinclair, Sinclair Lewis, CS Lewis, and Lewis Carroll. And I can listen....in fact, I love to listen. I would prefer to listen than talk. I think we could all use a little more practice in the art of listening, of observing the actions and inactions of others as they wax poetic about their passions.

So, in the words of my conscience, "I don't feel good about myself." And I honestly don't know what to do about it.